census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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