cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize