Welp...herpes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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