ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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