My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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