The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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