the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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