it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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