Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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