If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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