is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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