my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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