So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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