You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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