i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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