You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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