I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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