Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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