did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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