i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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