I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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