I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize