your parents love me but you hate me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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