dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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