Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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