I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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