I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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