So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize