Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize