you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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