i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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