he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize