I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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