38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
