You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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