if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize