I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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