Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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