I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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