it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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