I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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