Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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