She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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