I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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