we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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