I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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