so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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