I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize