I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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