Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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